Aur shayad wahi cheez mujhe sabse zyada todti thi.Roshni aur uske bhai mere papa ko “papa” kehkar bulate the. Har baar jab main yeh sunti thi, andar kuch ajeeb sa feel hota tha —gussa bhi nahi, dard bhi nahi,bas ek heavy si khamoshi. Ek chhoti si ladki ke liye yeh samajhna bahut mushkil hota haiki kaun apna hai aur kaun nahi. Main school me normal rehne ki acting karti thi,par andar hi andar confused thi.Na main kisi se keh paati thi,na koi meri feeling samajh paata tha.

Log kehte hain bachche jaldi bhool jaate hain…par kuch cheezein bhooli nahi jaati,bas chup ho jaati hain.Shayad wahi phase tha jab maine apni feelings ko express karna kam kar diyaaur observe karna zyada. Dheere dheere cheezein aur complicated hone lagi. Roshni sirf classmate nahi rahi thi,woh meri life ka ek silent pressure ban chuki thi. Use pata tha ki main kya jaanti hoon.Aur shayad usse yeh bhi pata thaki main kitni chhoti hoon aur kitni chup rehne wali hoon.

Kabhi school project,
kabhi homework,
kabhi uske personal kaam —
woh mujhe papa ke naam par emotional blackmail karti thi.

“Mana kiya toh main uncle ko bol dungi…”Yeh ek simple sentence tha,par mere liye darr ban gaya tha.Main mana karna chahti thi…par har baar ruk jaati thi.Kyunki us waqt mujhe lagta thaki agar maine mana kiyatoh ghar me aur problems badh jayengi. Aur jab kabhi main himmat karke mana karti, toh mere khilaf jhooti shikayatein pahunch jaati thi. Ek chhoti si ladki ke liyeyeh sab samajhna bahut heavy tha.School ek safe jagah hona chahiye tha, par mere liye woh bhi emotionally exhausting hone laga. Ghar me already tension thi. Aur dheere dheere mujhe feel hone lagaki kuch log situation ko aur bhadka rahe the. Maa aur papa ke beech dooriyan badhti ja rahi thi,aur main beech me khadi thi —na poori bachchi,na poori samajhdaar.

Main tomboy thi, strong dikhne wali,par us phase me main sirf ek aisi beti thi jo chup rehna seekh rahi thi.Shayad wahi se maine apni feelings ko dabaana shuru kiya, aur duniya ko ek strong version dikhana.

"I know life is going hard :

But smbhal khud ko abhi toh puri rat  बाकी hai....

Likhni hai jo tujhko vo दास्तान bakki hai...

Manjil tk jaane ka रस्ता beshak bekar bhut hai 

Pr uss raste ko parr krne ki dil m आश baki hai" - By Me